Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
