I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
