the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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