Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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