Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
