if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
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I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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