I just gift wrapped bread.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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