I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
BRING THE BAGELS
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I have post one night stand depression
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
