I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
