i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
