So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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