I'm so fucking centered right now
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he puts the penis in happiness.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
