Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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