i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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