You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
