I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
