did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
