I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
