I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
