I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
