My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
