i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I checked into jail on foursquare
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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