This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
