the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
At least life still wants to fuck me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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