I hate your face
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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