Are we in a gay sports bar?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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