You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
