Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she looked like the before picture.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
