I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
