How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You are the jesus of drinking
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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