my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
