he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
