The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
