I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
