He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I need a beard to bite.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
