I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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