he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
