Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
