thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
