dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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