Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
