Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
