Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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