Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
