If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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