This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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