i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So here I am, sexting at work.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
