Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
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