people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
