You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
