guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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