sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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