Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
