Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize