Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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