it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
