mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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