We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
