what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
