wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
