So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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