Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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