obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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