It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
