Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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