Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
