It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
