Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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