the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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