this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
