I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
