the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
its liver damage thursday
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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