guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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