i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
