in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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